A new Gene Kelly?

I admit it. I am a “So You Think You Can Dance” addict! Amazing raw talent — but my favorite is one Evan Kasprzak, who embodies my dance idol Gene Kelly. He almost made it last year and is back with his brother this year. Makes me wanna go rent “An American in Paris” this weekend. Check it out and hopefully we’ll see more of Evan since he made it to next round in Vega$$. Just stupendous. Check it out and happy Friday!

Old-school dive bars: Top 5 features

Hey grannyfabbers – I am back from the dead. Life has been super busy, but good.

I turned a big old mid-thirty age last week. Made me realize some things – like I don’t belong in a bar with young people anymore. Those young whippersnappers are just plain annoying, with their apple martinis and demands for mixologists.

Instead, I’ve decided that I distinctly prefer old-school bars. Either high-end or low-end. This week, let’s examine the old-school, low-end dive bar and its distinguishing characteristics:

1. An old alcoholic bartender

The bartender MUST be more than 50 years old. Anything younger is a travesty. Also, the bartender must have a drinking problem. Drink of his/her choice should be something appropriate, like Old Grandad or Miller High Life. Bartenders that know what a Diesel jean is should not apply.

Preferable names: Carl, Bob, Shelley, Kitty, Danny or Joe

2. Dark lighting

No one needs to see gin blossoms or wrinkles. That’s why old-school dive bars are dimly lit. Enough said.

3. A limited selection of liquor

Square One Vodka or one of those highfalutin liquors should not be featured behind the bar. Acceptable liquors are Johnny Walker Black, Jack Daniels, Tanqueray/Beefeater and any sort of weird old-school Rye. Beers in a can from a cooler adds 10 points.

4. Unpolished clientele

The clientele should be down and out; or if they are not, they should be appropriately inebriated. At least 50% should look like they were born on a barstool.

5. Undesirable location

The bar should be located off the beaten path; the fringes of a sketchy neighborhood. If the bar is in a neighborhood where you could take your parents or baby sister, it doesn’t qualify.

These features are optional but nice:

Jukebox with Frank Sinatra and/or Johnny Cash

Rumplemintz

Broken lock on the bathroom door

Wood floors

Pool table

Black and white unframed photo behind the bar of bartender or bartender’s family

First class passenger in a coach class world

So I’m a snob.

I love the fact that air travel is affordable. And I especially love the new airlines that pair cheap tix with an elegant experience. I loooong for the days of Pan Am and TWA, but I know those days are long gone.

However, I have to say — MUST PEOPLE WEAR A FULL TERRY CLOTH JUICY JUMPSUIT ONTO THE PLANE? I don’t think people realize that they are going out in public when they board an aircraft. Just because you spent $50 for your ticket does not mean you need to look like you rolled out of bed.

Here are some quick tips for dressing for the plane:

1. No Pajamas, sweat suits. If you would sleep or exercise in it, it’s probably not what you want to wear on the plane.

2. Non-wrinkly material is good. Jersey – great choice! Linen, maybe not.

3. Dark colors if you’re a klutz (like me). I always manage to spill my spicy bloody Mary mix on myself while I am imagining I am Liz Taylor, flying off to rendezvous with Richard Burton and getting my next big rock.

4. Big sunglasses never hurt. Eyes puffy? Maybe you’re leaving a lover? Go for some BIIIIIG sunglasses! Hint: People in the 60s didn’t have Botox.

 

Life has been crazy for this old lady

Okay, so I’ve violated the first blogging rule — do it consistently!

No excuses, I suck. I’ve moved into a spectacular new residence though, joined two full-time tennis teams and it’s been a lil busy.

But I’m going to try to get back on track over here.

Thanks for your patience!

Furry friends

Granny loves all furry friends — but it’s the dogs who always get her. Dogs are the ultimate Granny companion — have you ever seen a fabulous older woman without her dog?

One of the best older-lady companions is the pug.

Why pugs? Slow-moving, quick-witted and incredibly indulgent, their little mashed-up faces and fascinating personalities make for the ultimate Granny fab dog.

Boozin’ it up…for less

Granny enjoys a cocktail or two. It’s interesting what alcoholic beverages can do for a staid, stiff social situation.

One of Granny’s favorite libations is champagne. Bubbly, golden fabulous deliciousness…and hey, you look great drinking it too!

Because Granny isn’t a billionaire, she often opts for “sparkling wine” — here are some options you can consider leaving in your fridge for those emergency moments when guests “drop” in or if you’re just having a day.

1. Sofia Champagne (average $22)

Crinkly pink packaging and a light, fresh taste make this a winner. Plus, it’s a Coppola creation! How could you go wrong?

2. Chandon (average $18)

Ah…Chandon. You are just cheap enough to pass for straight drinking rather than having to hide in a mimosa. Plus you don’t taste like puke (see Andre under this heading) and you look respectable enough to leave out on the counter. Blanc de noirs (the pink version of this) makes you feel like a flapper.

3. Scharffenberger (avge $16)
It’s like buttah. At Bev Mo, you can get this bad boy for a cool $15.99 and those adorable wine writers at the Wall Street Journal have picked this time and again for a special occasion. What’s the ultimate Granny Fab experience? Having this bad boy on tap while you watch American Idol by yourself. Here’s to you, David Archuleta.

Granny’s back! Work sucks.

It’s been a busy couple of weeks. Since Granny isn’t officially old enough to be retired yet, she has to work. A lot sometimes actually. And it sucks.

Speaking of, what is it with kids today and the work style? Not that I expect people to call me Ma’am (although one of my team mates does…he’s a sweet gentleman from the South) or wear 3-piece suits, but when did work become a place to act and look like Lindsay Lohan?

Here are some tips for success in the workplace…granny style:

1. Hems by the knees, please.

Miniskirts are for kids, not women. Hems should be appropriate for work, not for a club. How do you know if your skirt’s too short? Try to bend over. That should tell you…real quick.

2. Bare legs…questionable?

Now maybe I am an old lady…oh wait, I AM AN OLD LADY. I just don’t like bare legs in the workplace. It just seems too…casual. I’ve gotten used to the idea of jeans — but bare legs…not so much.

3. Flip-flops are for beaches, not for desks.

Some people are very successful and can still look like they are one of Jerry’s Kids (Garcia, not Lewis). This is only for SOME portion of the population. The rest of us look…ridiculous. Flip-flops belie a sort of casualness that is appropriate for beaches, sunbathing, etc. — not for garnering respect. Also, they make a really annoying noise as you prance around the office.

4. Say please and thank-you.

In our modern world of texting and e-mail, people often forget their manners. When you are asking someone to do something for you — say please. And when they do it, thank them! It does make a difference…even to those computer geeks who don’t seem to care. Everyone likes being acknowledged.

5. You are being paid — don’t forget it.

Work is not play. Work is not your friend’s party. Work is not an option for many of us. Please do not forget you are being PAID to be here. That means, you have to DO YOUR JOB. So many of today’s generation think that it is a work is a right, not a privilege. Sure, you should give input and ideas — in fact, I think that’s the hallmark of an good employee! But calling in sick because “you just don’t feel like coming in today” is not an option.

Kate Spade makes all her employees read Emily Post’s etiquette book when they first start. Granny thinks that’s a fabulous idea — here’s a link to Ms. Spade’s Manners Book, which is a more updated version and has kicky illustrations, to boot.

It’s been too long…

…since I’ve posted. My old-lady sport/hobby is tennis and I have been madly practicing for a match. To me, the old sports are just more attractive to play and to watch (although old lady secretly loves UFC).

I mean, check this fabulous lady out. So stylish! No one looks like this…except for maybe Maria Sharapova, who I love. You never even see her sweat. PS I will be posting more once my match happens on Sunday…wish me luck!

Inspiration for today…old lady style at its best

Old lady style at its best…the incomparable Babe Paley. It’s her grace, manners and style that inspire this blog. Do you think she ever had her underwear showing? I think not. Nuff said for inspiration of the day. Plus, how fab does she look in that hat?

Old lady eats – what to serve at your card game

In my last post, I tried, single-handedly to resurrect old-lady card games. “But Ms. Old Lady, what should I serve my guests?” Good question. Where else is it more appropriate to serve watercress-and-ham sandwiches with the crusts cut off?

Old Lady is not against buying items for your party. In fact, she encourages. Just please, taste the food before you serve it to your guests. The picture on the box may look great, but taste what’s inside before committing (also a good rule to follow for dating).

TASTY TIDBITS FOR A CARD PARTY

Granny loves: Cheese straws, sandwiches with the crusts cut off, Pepperidge Farm goldfish, an assortment of salty meats, olives and stinky cheese and crackers

Granny hates: Pizza served out of the cardboard box it came in. No one wants to come over and feel like a frat boy (unless you are doing a frat boy activity, like watching a sport or UFC).

However, you should make at least ONE item. Something simple, something that no one serves any more. For this, I suggest devilled eggs or pigs in a blanket. And as Old Lady is quite known for her devilled eggs, she’s generous enough to give you the recipe right here!

LIKE YOUR GRANNY’S DEVILLED EGGS

Makes 24 delicious appetizers that your guests will squeal over

Ingredients: 

• 12 eggs
• Juice of half a lemon
• 4 tsp (less if you want it less tangy) Dijon mustard
• 1/3 cup of mayonnaise (I prefer Best Foods/Hellman’s)
• 1 small bunch of fresh herbs (chives, thyme, dill, basil or oregano will work — none of that dried catnip stuff please)
• Paprika (just to sprinkle over the eggs to look pretty)
• Tabasco to taste
• Salt and pepper to taste

Step 1: Hard-boil the eggs

This is easier in theory than in practice, as most old lady things are. Here’s a sure-fire way to get delicious, velvety eggs without that ugly grey color. Put the eggs in a saucepan. Cover with cold water. Bring to a boil. The MINUTE it comes to a boil, cover the saucepan and turn the heat off. Let it sit like this for 10 minutes. Your eggs will be cooked perfectly, provided you are good and don’t peek!

 Drain hot water from pan and run cold water over the eggs until the eggs are cooled down. You can crack the eggshells at this point for easier peeling. Honestly, the peeling is the biggest pain of this recipe. Get a dear friend or your significant other to help you.

Step 2: Slice

Peel the eggs. Using a sharp knife, slice each egg in half, lengthwise. Scoop out the yolk and put it in a mixing bowl. Arrange your whites on a pretty platter. Old Lady suggests taking some beautiful, crisp watercress and placing it on your platter before putting the whites on — this will not only look gorgeous, but it will anchor your tasty eggs and prevent them from slipping around.

3. Stuff

Mash up the yolk with a fork and add mustard, mayonnaise, lemon juice, herbs and Tabasco. Add salt and pepper to taste. Spoon, or if you’re fancy, pipe, egg yolk mixture into the egg white halves. Sprinkle with paprika.

Voila! You are now officially a true old lady and a hero to your friends and family. Serve, and watch them disappear. Old Lady once watched one of her genteel male friends eat 6 in a sitting.